40+ Quick Thinkers Share Their Favorite Comeback Stories
It’s okay to throw a little shade now and then. When someone disrespects or insults you, rather than turning the other cheek, you must simply fire back. We understand that turning the other cheek isn’t always possible. However, the best retorts in life deserve to be appreciated by people other than the person who delivered them. Here are some of Redditors’ best retorts, quips, and comebacks from around the world.
Not Like You Have Anything Better to Do
A common mistake made by children is to believe that their parents lack the necessary skills to give them the worst ‘burn’ they’ve ever had. According to this report from their older sibling, no one can bring you to heel like an enraged mother, which this kid definitely learned firsthand.
Not Like You Have Anything Better to Do
We have no doubt that the older sibling’s expression was amused and unsympathetic, similar to the person in the picture above. After all, we all know how unconcerned a sibling is about their younger sibling’s problems.
You May Want to Rephrase
No greater injustice exists than being punished for saying something that was absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, this occurs frequently in school because few adults assume children are knowledgeable about a wide range of topics.
You May Want to Rephrase
Although this girl handled herself very well in an awkward circumstance, she was punished for it. We’re just wondering: why was she suspended for handling an awkward moment so well? In light of the fact that the gym instructor was at fault, this is simply unacceptable.
Sick Burn of the Century Award
As a rule of thumb, the best rebuttals and comebacks in the world come from people who aren’t even thinking about what to say. It was a gift from above that firmly established them in the annals of wit.
Sick Burn of the Century Award
This young lady received a special award for her brilliant retort. We almost feel sorry for the guy mentioned in this article. Even the most conceited jerk does not deserve to be so badly burned.
Low-Hanging Fruit
Pretending you don’t know your ex after a breakup isn’t a new comeback, and it’s also not a particularly advanced burn. However, because it is a good quip in the book, it will always have a place in the annals of burn history.
Low-Hanging Fruit
It’s not great, but it’s never terrible. We’ll admit that it’s not the most insulting phrase out there. Regardless, it’ll always have a special place in our hearts as long as we live. It’s just that it’s a classic.
Odd Family Matters
Nonetheless, you can say some unscrupulous things to your family that you wouldn’t be able to say anywhere else. But, hey, what is family for if not to love each other? Why have a family if you can’t crack a few crude jokes with them now and then?
Odd Family Matters
Having said that, it might be preferable to consider the child to be the property of both parents, just to be on the safe side. That would most likely be the correct course of action.
Well, He’s Not Wrong…
Even the class clowns have been known to say something incredibly clever on occasion. Even an enraged adult can’t help but be impressed by something so clever. This kind of comeback isn’t something you’d expect from a sixth-grader, but he may have been ahead of his time.
Well, He’s Not Wrong…
We can’t help but admire the clever wordplay in his retort, despite the fact that it didn’t directly counter the point the teacher was trying to make. In the classroom, it’s likely that this didn’t help his cause.
All Too Easy
Every now and then, you don’t even have to think too hard to come up with a good retort because the coincidences align in such a way that the retort practically writes itself. This teacher didn’t have to put in a lot of effort to make a good response to his student.
All Too Easy
All of the stars were just in the right place for that one. The quip was essentially delivered on his behalf by coincidence, but hey, at the very least he was perceptive enough to recognize the opportunity.
But, Did She Get a Raise?
When it comes to making quips with your boss, you have to be very careful — especially if your boss is your new boss, because it’s a new job. Thankfully, this fresh-faced employee made a good first impression with a fair amount of wit, which at the very least got her off to a good start.
But, Did She Get a Raise?
Unfortunately, we have some reservations about whether or not this clever wordplay actually resulted in an increase in her pay. But at the very least, she managed to get on the good side of her boss.
It’s Super Effective!
After all, who doesn’t like Pokémon? That’s not right at all. However, there are those who despise the series and make fun of those who enjoy it. Unfortunately for them, because the TV show has taught them a lot about witty one-liners, fans are pretty good at throwing shade.
It’s Super Effective!
Of course, this comeback was largely based on the bully’s lack of knowledge about health and fitness, but hey, if you can take advantage of a bully’s ignorance about physical fitness, why not?
Don’t Step Up to My Dog
It’s often about a man’s sense of masculinity that causes him to throw insults. Some men see certain pets as a sign of a lack of testosterone, and they make sure to tell the people who own those pets what they think.
Don’t Step Up to My Dog
Unfortunately for one of them, it was a bad move in this case. The size of a man’s dog can reveal a great deal about him. It’s kind of amusing coming from someone who doesn’t own a dog to begin with.
Your Job Isn’t So Hard
If you go to a stand-up comedy club, there’s always the chance that the comedian will target you for some laughs at your expense. You can, however, turn the tables and get a laugh for your wit if you’re quick on the draw.
Your Job Isn’t So Hard
That’s exactly what this guy did. Because he’s so good at it, perhaps this Redditor should pursue a career in comedy? Among other things, he’s got the right stuff for it.
You Won’t Need a Fat Burner After that Fire
Employees in retail have a difficult job. They have to deal with a wide variety of customers, the majority of whom are unpleasant. The situation is frequently exacerbated by the fact that retail employees must keep some of their best comebacks under wraps.
You Won’t Need a Fat Burner After that Fire
This girl, on the other hand, did not do so. From an employee standpoint, this is probably not something she should do, but there’s no denying that it was hilarious, especially for her.
She May Be on to Something
Little children frequently come up with ideas that surprise the rest of us adults. They have a certain wit about them that we don’t see anywhere else, and it often leads us to believe that, despite everything else, they might have a point in a few debates. She made such a statement when she was four years old.
She May Be on to Something
Sure. The mother’s point remains valid, but at the end of the day, the little girl had a point of her own. At the very least, she discovered a humorous flaw in the argument.
A Dish Best Served Healthy
It’s not nice to be cruel to others. No one can blame you for defending yourself if you don’t throw the first metaphorical punch. Attacking someone’s character or appearance is especially nefarious, but in this case, the person who was burned essentially asked for it.
A Dish Best Served Healthy
If you’re not willing to take a little heat, you can’t possibly be the type to dish it out. After all, when it comes to witty retorts, all is fair.
To Each Their Own
Things appeal to different people in different ways. We will not pass judgment on that reality. But, when this girl made her preferences for ideal boys known, she was treated to a divine miracle: he sat right there at the table the entire time! Actually, he was just someone who came up with a clever remark at the right time.
To Each Their Own
Unfortunately, he was only faking it, so we’re guessing he didn’t succeed in securing the affections of this girl at the table, though that was probably not his goal in the first place.
Well, it Was the Truth
Many adults are better at causing major burns than children. Maybe it’s because they come up with ideas that no one else does. After all, who would come up with such a ludicrous, yet eerily accurate, insult? Despite the fact that they do not exist, dragons are cooler than anyone.
Well, it Was the Truth
What is the greatest comeback of all time? Perhaps not, but regardless of all other factors, it’s a pretty good remark from someone under the age of ten. Kudos, younger version of this Redditor. Kudos, younger version of this Redditor.
Harsh but True
They say you should respect your parents, but respect must be earned, not given. So, if your parent is deserving of your wrath, we can’t blame you for venting. Especially if they say something hurtful about you, which is common among parents.
Harsh but True
This mother got a good shot at her own mother, and we can’t say the older woman didn’t deserve it given the context of this post. It was almost as if she asked for it.
The Hero We Deserve and Need
It’s not always necessary to knock someone down a notch in response to their mistreatment of you. If you’re a true hero, you’ll defend others who are being attacked while also throwing great shade. While waiting in line for food — the one we need and deserve — this Redditor was the hero of the hour.
The Hero We Deserve and Need
Perhaps he received a standing ovation for his courageous actions, though we imagine he received some angry ranting on the internet as a result of his actions from that “Karen.”
Grandma’s a Good Sport
Depending on your family members’ personalities, making fun of them can be risky. The majority of them don’t take it well. However, if you have a fun family member who enjoys a little smack now and then, it can be a lot of fun. Even Grandma doesn’t mind a little friendly ribbing now and then.
Grandma’s a Good Sport
We have to admit that it’s a bit of a cheap shot, but as long as the intended recipient is cool with it, it’s all in good fun. As a result, we’ll give it a pass.
Does This Look Like the Face of Mercy?
Intolerant and shallow-minded people frequently bully Goths. Bullying them, on the other hand, is a dangerous game to play, especially when they can throw shade far more effectively than you. This girl was subjected to some inane taunts, but she easily overcame them.
Does This Look Like the Face of Mercy?
If you have some characteristics that could easily be made fun of, don’t open the door by trying to make fun of other people before you look in the mirror. Putting yourself in that situation is asking for trouble!
Probably Didn’t Improve the Relationship
It’s not always easy to get on the good side of your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s parents. In fact, it can be extremely difficult at times. You can also get on their nerves the same way they get on yours if you don’t care about getting on their good side.
Probably Didn’t Improve the Relationship
The Redditor’s situation with the parent in question is unlikely to have improved as a result of his witty response, but it is something he can look back on and be proud of decades later.
A Comeback as Old as Time
Adopted siblings and biological siblings are known to fight from time to time. For an adopted child, there’s really only one response to the biological child’s invariable mention of being “the favorite child,” and it almost always wins the conversation.
A Comeback as Old as Time
A burn that we’re fairly certain adopted siblings have been using for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and that we’ve never seen before. And who can blame them, given the circumstances? It is effective every time.
Thinly Veiled Insults
Burns between siblings are almost always the most painful. No matter where you go, you can’t seem to get away from the scalding blasts of shade that your sibling can dish out on a regular basis.
Thinly Veiled Insults
It’s probably due to the fact that they have no pity or mercy for someone who is related to them. Siblings are also very comfortable joking about things that are inherently unpleasant. However, the best burns are frequently of this nature.
Setting Yourself Up for Failure
People have an odd tendency to make fun of others for things they have no right to make fun of. Usually, they have a problem that isn’t all that dissimilar to the person they are mocking. But, as this Redditor proves, it’s relatively easy to counterattack if you’re the one being targeted.
Setting Yourself Up for Failure
We’re just pointing out that it doesn’t seem like a good idea to make fun of someone when they have a lot of ammunition to use against you at the same time.
So Did Samson, and That Guy Was Awesome!
Those who are overly religious may claim that anything they don’t like is an insult to their religion, and this can be used as an excuse to justify their own extreme views. Despite the fact that it’s ridiculous, it provides individuals with the opportunity to respond in a creative way, like this one.
So Did Samson, and That Guy Was Awesome!
This is a good time to remind people that many biblical characters have long hair. We’re just pointing out that Samson’s entire thing was long hair, and given his strength, we doubt anyone chastised him for it.
But, Can You Hear This?
Bullies frequently target those unfortunate enough to be born with a physical problem over which they have no control. It’s not easy for them, but they do have one option: sick burns that their bullies will never be able to handle. This person was well aware of this.
But, Can You Hear This?
Bravo, you are a brave soul. We’re willing to bet that after you knocked that particular individual down a few pegs with that incredible comeback, you had a lot less trouble with them.
Ask Me Out to Dinner First
A fight or an insult does not necessitate every remark or retort. It’s not always about providing a smooth response to an otherwise unexpected question. That’s what we refer to as ‘being smooth.’ A smooth quip deserves applause, too, even if it doesn’t get as much attention as a sick burn.
Ask Me Out to Dinner First
We’re not sure if this Redditor got a date out of it, but he did get a lot of people to smile, which is always a good thing. It really boosts one’s self-esteem.
Hail to the Queen
How about incorporating a song into your comeback? Including one of the most famous songs of all time in your comeback? Legendary. Of course, it helps if the people you’re snarking at are the ones who started singing the song in the first place, but the point remains, in our opinion.
Hail to the Queen
It is our firm belief that Freddie Mercury would be pleased with our work. Or perhaps he’s just relieved that his music is still well-known today, at the very least.
The Ruined Friendship Was Worth It
You can’t expect to get away with taking your problems out on other people without facing some sort of retaliation. After all, no one enjoys being held responsible for events in which they had no involvement! This individual decided that his friends should be punished for his mistakes.
The Ruined Friendship Was Worth It
Unfortunately for him, his friend wasn’t having any of it and called him out on it. We can only hope that this heinous burn did not cause too much damage to their friendship, despite the fact that the transgressor deserved it.
You Had That One Coming
If you’re going to go out of your way to insult someone you don’t even know, we have no sympathy for you when that person responds with something sharp — even if it makes you look a fool in front of your friends. You will receive it if you do so.
You Had That One Coming
Obviously, the witty response from the Redditor has ruined his night, but we don’t feel sorry for him because he was the one who started it all in the first place.
Work Ethic Doesn’t Solve Everything
Every employee wishes to get a good comeback against their boss from time to time, and we can’t say we blame them. Usually, the boss responds, especially when it comes to work ethic, but sometimes you just have to take a chance and say what’s on your mind.
Work Ethic Doesn’t Solve Everything
After all, this Redditor is almost certainly correct. We just hope he didn’t lose his job as a result of this remark, which we’re sure irritated his boss at the time.
It Probably Wasn’t Worth It
It’s always risky to make a snarky remark to your spouse, especially if you’re the husband. We’ve all experienced the consequences of sassing your wife. It’s a shame, because this guy had a brilliant retort. In the end, it was probably a bad decision.
It Probably Wasn’t Worth It
Because of his remark, he was sentenced to two weeks of community service, which doesn’t sound like it was worth it to him. Despite this, we applaud the attempt at wit made in this instance.
Two Can Play at That Game
You might as well do it right if you’re going to break up with someone, right? Do they really know you’re breaking up with them without a parting shot about how you were never happy with them in the first place? This guy didn’t deliver the first metaphorical punch, but he did deliver the final one.
Two Can Play at That Game
Even so, we believe his jab was a bit of a low blow. But, on the other hand, his now-ex-girlfriend was the one who started it, so who’s to blame?
On the Nose
As long as they’ve done something to deserve it, we don’t feel sorry for bullies who get their comeuppance. No one can really blame the Redditor for coming up with this retort, which is a little cliched but easy to come up with nonetheless.
On the Nose
According to the post, the person who was the target of her wrath was rendered speechless for a brief moment. What happened in the aftermath? We have our doubts that it was a concession.
Just Like Soccer Practice
Whether you’ve heard it before or not, don’t make fun of others if you have things about yourself that could be made fun of! In this case, the narrator learned the hard way that it’s just asking for trouble. It’s hard to feel sorry for him.
Just Like Soccer Practice
Even if he is able to regain his driving privileges, we doubt he will be able to do so with any level of confidence for some time. At the very least, we hope this is the case.
Well, Don’t You?
The shade you unleash in response to someone attempting to offend you first is the most satisfying shade. It’s just a different feeling than starting something or making a witty off-handed remark. Even if the words themselves are harsh, it feels especially good when used to counter a stuck-up individual.
Well, Don’t You?
It was a little rough for the girl with the iPad, but wasn’t she asking for it? Who knows, maybe the remark prompted her to go out and make some friends just to avoid it being used against her…
Who’s Really Worse Off Here?
We don’t want to make fun of people who work in the retail and fast-food industries because those jobs are difficult and don’t always put people in a good mood. Even so, we can’t let them get away with being unnecessarily rude to customers, and we don’t blame them when those customers retaliate.
Who’s Really Worse Off Here?
We’re not sure why she’s still working at McDonald’s at the age of 27. Maybe she doesn’t have a choice. However, if you don’t want people to make fun of that reality, you should avoid insulting them first.
Monitor the Situation First
Does anyone like hall monitors? Sometimes they’re just doing their job, but more often than not, they let their unimportant position get the best of them. That’s when they start to annoy you, and students may feel compelled to hurl some well-deserved snark at them.
Monitor the Situation First
Perhaps he wouldn’t have looked so foolish if he had taken a step back and assessed the situation before yelling at a group of kids trying to go about their business. Just a thought.
You Asked for It
It is said that you should be cautious about what you wish for. Bosses should heed this advice because they frequently wish for things that would make their jobs more difficult. Ten minutes before she needed him, this boss mentioned how simple it would be to replace this Redditor.
You Asked for It
Nonetheless, it didn’t go over too well with the public following that comeback. Maybe some people don’t realize how much they require something or someone until it is too late to do something or someone for them.
You Just Can’t Fight After That
This one is a little different because it has nothing to do with casting shade or inflicting a sick burn on someone. It’s the kind of comeback that makes people go ‘aww’ first, but it’s still a comeback, and that’s what we’re talking about here!
You Just Can’t Fight After That
Having said that, we don’t think even the most enraged sibling would be able to continue fighting after such a remarkable comeback. It would almost certainly transform them into a complete jerk!
At Least He’s Self-Aware
Even though second-hand smoke is an annoyance, do you really have the right to whine if you chose to put yourself in a situation where it was present? Even if you don’t think so, you’ll agree that this comeback was great regardless of your opinion.
At Least He’s Self-Aware
She may have sought help from a manager, but did the manager actually care enough to take action to resolve the situation? At the end of the day, it’s unlikely to happen.
If the Shoe Fits
We already stated that people should be courteous to customers in their places of business, but that is only true to a certain extent. There are times when a customer deserves harsh criticism, and we believe that this was one of those instances. Isn’t it nice to know that your boss has your back?
If the Shoe Fits
We don’t think the guy would have gotten the job in the first place, but hey, at the very least they were gracious enough to extend the opportunity to him.
Try Not to Damage the Marriage
In general, we believe that saying snarky things to one’s spouse should be avoided at all costs, as it can cause more trouble than it is worth. This husband most likely didn’t consider that before saying this line, but hopefully he didn’t get himself into too much trouble.
Try Not to Damage the Marriage
Despite the fact that he simply told the truth, it was probably a detail that he should have kept to himself in order to maintain his family’s happiness over the next few days.
Make Use of Your Circumstances
We’re not going to pretend that having cancer is in any way beneficial. It’s all bad, and people are struggling to find good things in the midst of it all. However, having such a trial in his life gave him the ability to end any argument he wanted, at any time.
Make Use of Your Circumstances
You have to look for a silver lining when things aren’t going well. We believe it is safe to say that this individual did just that, so we applaud him.
Honestly, Kind of Messed Up
You must exercise caution when using dark humor. It can be offensive, but there are times when dark things need to be brought to light so that people can feel like they don’t have to live with them.
Honestly, Kind of Messed Up
We’re not sure if this British man’s joke was appropriate, but it certainly wasn’t inappropriate. Be careful what you say in your jokes. But, in terms of argument-ending retorts, we can’t deny that this one did a pretty good job.