Solar Shield Sunglasses
If you want to let everyone know that you are old, you should put on a pair of Solar Shields. They are, to put it mildly, huge and ugly. They can block out the sun effectively, but no one should be wearing them.
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Transition Glasses
Transition glasses also make the youngest folks seem old. Who wants to wear sunglasses indoors, after all? Even though they can be super convenient, you will not be able to convince us to put them on.